giving it all away

Well, it’s Christmas Eve. I didn’t write anything super Christmas-ey, but I thought I’d just share a brief reflection as I’ve been reflecting on the life and impact of my Grandma Elsie, who passed away recently. At 97 years old, she lived a long, full life. While it’s hard to see her go, the time she spent with us was beautiful, and I’m glad she’s with Jesus now.

Grandma loved to crochet, and she was a one-woman scarf and blanket factory. A few examples:

She, with assistance from my Grandma Betty and my Mom, put together a beautiful granny square blanket that took tremendous effort. Indeed, many couches and beds in our family are adorned with blankets crafted by the crochet master herself. Each year, all of the kids in my Mom’s (her daughter’s) elementary school class took home a handmade scarf for Christmas, courtesy of Grandma Elsie. Grandma crocheted baby blankets for newborn children of friends and family, and for stillborn babies as a comfort to the mothers and families of the lost child.

Her impact was far reaching. She touched the lives of so many people – so many people that she would never have the opportunity to meet.

Crocheting was one of her gifts, and maybe even a calling. At her funeral, the pastor said something that really struck me. She crocheted so many things, and what did she do with her work?

She gave it all away.

This kind of giving was not like: I have so much and you have so little, so here you go; but was out of a posture sheer joy and abundance. This kind of giving looks more like: this is what I do, and I want to bless you with it.

I think that’s one more characteristic of a calling that I’d like to tack onto my ever-growing list. It’s a part of you that’s so valuable, and yet so abundant, that you can’t help but give it away, to the glory of God and all people. Maybe there is a Christmas message in there after all.

I hope this is true for my calling, and I pray it is true for yours.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2

creative: one in seven

This is a poem I wrote during our US-2 midterms back in September 2014, which was a time for the missionaries in my class to come together in NYC for a time of reunion, reflection, and equipping. During one session, we were asked to write a short poem or prose about Sabbath, and this was my response. I pray we could all find a little more time for Sabbath in each day and each week.

One in Seven

Six days of the week are planned, scheduled, outlined, and detailed. The alarm rocks me to consciousness at 7:00am. These days are crammed with meetings, works, chores, duties, things to be excited about and things to deplore. It’s a race – can I get everything done that I said I would do before it’s time for lights out, tap out, conk out?

One day,
just one,
in seven is left,
set apart,
unstructured.
I finally get to sleep in!
With nothing but a blank slate ahead of me,
I get to decide with God what we will do together today.
My biggest responsibility is to make sure I get the rest and rejuvenation I need.

But that’s a huge responsibility in itself. It becomes a burden to set aside that time. I permit commitments and responsibilities to slowly leak in, crowding out the Sabbath, breaking the plan for having no plans.

But why do I allow this day called holy to become much like the other six?

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If you refrain from trampling the sabbath,
   from pursuing your own interests on my holy day;
if you call the sabbath a delight
   and the holy day of the Lord honorable;
if you honor it, not going your own ways,
   serving your own interests, or pursuing your own affairs;
then you shall take delight in the Lord,
   and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth;
I will feed you with the heritage of your ancestor Jacob,
   for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
Isaiah 58:13-14

training memories: beets and kale

This is guest blog I wrote for The Book of Fellows, the blog for United Methodists Young Adult Missionaries. Check it out and see what my peers are up to and thinking about! The image below is an original digital collage created by searching Google for images of "beets and kale" and taking a screenshot of the result.

Nearly one year ago, I started training as a missionary. I was in the process of passing off, dumping off, and shrugging off 6 years of grad school and entering into something completely new.

During training, I entered into relationship and covenant with 28 other amazing young adults who are committed to serving God and all people. We spent 3 weeks together where we bonded over many things. One of them was food.

Much of our training took place at Stony Point Center, a retreat center in New York. Stony Point has an organic farm, and a good amount of the food they served for meals came from the farm.

As farming goes, certain crops become ripe and ready at particular points in time. For us, two staples were beets and kale. On our first day, we savored all of the ripe food, plucked from the earth hours earlier, cooked, and delivered to our dinner plates. With food that fresh, I swear you could taste the sunshine it bathed in as it grew. Over the next few days, there was plenty more, and also prepared differently for variety. “Beets and kale again? Yes please!”

By the end of training, we were pseudo-prophets, predicting what vegetable duo would be served to us that day. We groaned, both because our taste buds longed for something different and because someone told another bad beets and kale joke. We beatboxed, not using the phonetics “boots and cats,” but instead “beets and kale.” These common vegetables became legendary.

Near the end of our training, we reflected on the entire experience. As much as we remembered about justice, spiritual health, living in community, and many others, we could not shake “beets and kale” from our minds. It went on the summary list.

In an epiphany moment, I tied it back to my own story. I had been living a beets and kale kind of life. I plugged away at the same old thing day after day, not really loving it and not really sure where it was taking me. The chance to serve as a missionary changed everything. I got to leave that old life behind and go on an exciting journey that God called me to.

July is a mad season for Generation Transformation Young Adult Missionaries in the UMC. My missionary class closed year one and enters year two of service, the class before us finished their term, and the new class of missionaries was recently trained and commissioned in the Philippines.

In this season, how will we choose to leave behind the ordinary, the mundane, and the everyday beets and kale in exchange for the abundant life promised to us by Christ? Can we leave behind everything we want in order to follow the One who promised everything we need?

As Jesus passed along the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake—for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, ‘Follow me and I will make you fish for people.’ And immediately they left their nets and followed him.
Mark 1:16-18 NRSV

my most important question: what am i doing here?

On June 22, I got the honor of sharing part of my call story and a question that I've wrestled with at The District Church. Every year, TDC has a sermon series called My Most Important Question where people from the congregation are invited to share a question that they have dealt with or continue to deal with. I love the spirit of this series - it gives people an opportunity to tell their stories, celebrating the fact that the faith journey is not an easy journey and that our questions, our messy experiences, and our intimate encounters with God and people are critical to that journey.

In the audio below, Pastor Justin gives an intro to the series, and then three of us share our stories in sequence. I'm the second speaker, between my friends Laurie and Bethany. My part starts around 17 min 45 sec and lasts about 10 minutes, but you're welcome to listen to the other two, who also had great things to say!

Laurie spoke about her struggle of seeking approval, especially from her mother, but not finding it. She asks, "Do they not notice me?" My talk hinges around my moment of consciousness, when I realized that getting my Ph.D. in engineering wasn't where I was called to be. In that moment, I asked "What am I doing here?" Bethany describes her tough years with a bad marriage and divorce, along with the additional fear of the stigma the church may put on divorced people, as she asks, "Where is joy in my trials?"

Take a listen, and I hope you are blessed!

reblogged: crazy, driven, hard-workin' believers

So I decided to reblog myself. Trendsetter, I know. This is guest blog I wrote for The Book of Fellows, the blog for United Methodists Young Adult Missionaries. Check it out and see what my peers are up to and thinking about. Thanks to all who dialoged with me about the video below and for some great insight from sermons at The District Church. Enjoy!

How does this commercial make you feel? What do you think about it?

I’ve mulled this one over with a number of friends, and typically one of two responses arise. One affirms the commercial. Work hard! It’s the pathway to success, achievement, and fulfillment.

The other is usually some kind of shock or repulsion. People with this reaction are the folks who have worked hard, but haven’t moved upward. Others with this response have climbed to the top, or at least near enough to see that more hard work is all that awaits them. Still others have experienced the lives of those who have no choice but to work hard. I think of my friend Emmanuel, a high school student in Liberia. His daily routine: run to school, take a quick shower at the pump, learn and absorb in class, buy a cup of rice at the market, cook it, eat half, save the other half for breakfast, study, and sleep. That’s a hard day’s work.

Hard work is a virtue for sure, but does not necessarily correlate with accomplishment, success, or even being able to meet one’s own basic human needs. Of course, these basic needs do not come without some elbow grease. They also don’t typically come without some degree of privilege. I think this is the component the “work hard” community often misses.

For a long time, I thought my academic success was due to my hard work. Later, I realized that I actually worked a lot less than most of my peers! I definitely put in the necessary effort, but the gifts God gave me allowed me to excel. Now when people discover I studied engineering and praise my smarts, I have to be honest and say I’m just gifted and would fail miserably in other fields!

But there is another component we should also consider as people of faith:

He said to me, ‘This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord of hosts.’
Zechariah 4:6 NRSV

Zerubbabel, governor of Judah after the exile, oversaw the rebuilding of the Temple, which was gutted and destroyed when Israel was conquered. Rebuilding such a significant edifice was a tremendous task, compounded by neighboring nations’ opposition and by Israel’s pursuit of “the good life.” Hard work was needed, but so was a reliance on the power of God’s Spirit to have the right heart attitude, sufficient strength, and the willpower to stand against the naysayers. Anything of lasting value is done in community and is done by the power of God’s Spirit.

Treat yourself to a quick exercise: reread the scripture above, but this time, replace Zerubbabel with your name. Do you perceive the Lord of hosts speaking this into any area of your life right now?

Here is my challenge: work in earnest, be cognizant of privilege, and enter into the work of the Lord. This is the pathway to success, achievement, and fulfillment before God. At the end of the day, I hope we stand before Jesus and hear, “Well done, good and faithful servants.”

So – what kind of crazy, driven, hard-workin’ believer are you going to be?