giving it all away

Well, it’s Christmas Eve. I didn’t write anything super Christmas-ey, but I thought I’d just share a brief reflection as I’ve been reflecting on the life and impact of my Grandma Elsie, who passed away recently. At 97 years old, she lived a long, full life. While it’s hard to see her go, the time she spent with us was beautiful, and I’m glad she’s with Jesus now.

Grandma loved to crochet, and she was a one-woman scarf and blanket factory. A few examples:

She, with assistance from my Grandma Betty and my Mom, put together a beautiful granny square blanket that took tremendous effort. Indeed, many couches and beds in our family are adorned with blankets crafted by the crochet master herself. Each year, all of the kids in my Mom’s (her daughter’s) elementary school class took home a handmade scarf for Christmas, courtesy of Grandma Elsie. Grandma crocheted baby blankets for newborn children of friends and family, and for stillborn babies as a comfort to the mothers and families of the lost child.

Her impact was far reaching. She touched the lives of so many people – so many people that she would never have the opportunity to meet.

Crocheting was one of her gifts, and maybe even a calling. At her funeral, the pastor said something that really struck me. She crocheted so many things, and what did she do with her work?

She gave it all away.

This kind of giving was not like: I have so much and you have so little, so here you go; but was out of a posture sheer joy and abundance. This kind of giving looks more like: this is what I do, and I want to bless you with it.

I think that’s one more characteristic of a calling that I’d like to tack onto my ever-growing list. It’s a part of you that’s so valuable, and yet so abundant, that you can’t help but give it away, to the glory of God and all people. Maybe there is a Christmas message in there after all.

I hope this is true for my calling, and I pray it is true for yours.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2

reblogged: challenge accepted

First appearing on Nov 15, 2014, this is guest blog I wrote for The Book of Fellows, the blog for United Methodists Young Adult Missionaries. Check it out and see what my peers are up to and thinking about!

Over November 7-9, 2014, a few of us Young Adult Missionaries traveled to Denver, CO for Imagine What’s NEXT. Through music, messages, conversations, and fun, this UMC gathering gave college students, and folks from agencies and organizations, time and space to connect, worship, and consider opportunities for service and vocation.

On Saturday evening, we were issued the $5 Challenge. As we departed for dinner and evening worship downtown, the organizers gave each participant $5 cash. We were not to keep this, but to use it to make the biggest impact possible in downtown Denver. They gave a number of ideas like buying a package of socks to give away, treating someone to dinner, or buying a bus pass for someone. They encouraged us to take pictures of our experiences and post them on social media with the hashtag “#5challenge.”

As for the missionaries, the gears in our minds were spinning. Personally, I had just given a talk earlier in the day, and one of my points was an old standard at Church and Society: we often fail to make the distinction between acts of charity – temporary assistance for urgent needs – and justice – lasting transformation aimed at God’s Kingdom. God calls us to both through our lives of faith (Micah 6:8, Matt 23:23), but we often focus our ministries on charity. For us, the $5 Challenge was to think and act outside the box and do something a little closer to justice.

An idea budded and blossomed during break time: what if we bought sidewalk chalk and wrote messages of inspiration, encouragement, advocacy, and awareness on the streets of Denver? We ran with it. After dinner, we fortunately came upon an office supplies store 5 minutes before close (yes, we were those annoying customers). Six of us went in and spent $3 on 3 packs of chalk. We hit the streets.

Before our eyes, the results multiplied like fishes and loaves blessed by God. People read our notes as they walked by, some engaging us in conversation. Some people wanted to write words of wisdom and inspiration for themselves, so we gave them chalk to take with them on their own journeys. We tagged each of our notes “#NEXT14″ so that socially-networked passers-by might go online and see what else we were up to at the conference.
 

I like to think that people’s lives were changed, even just a little, by our “street tweets” – that someone would know that Christians carry messages of hope as well as challenge – that another might grow in their awareness that all people are valuable and treasured – that yet another would come to realize we were created to be alive and vital. A few strategic and beautiful words, bathed in the power of the Spirit, have the power to transform lives forever.

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, ‘Teacher, order your disciples to stop.’ He answered, ‘I tell you, if these were silent, the stones would shout out.’ –Luke 19:39-40

year 2, day 1

One year ago today, I was a wide-eyed, hopeful candidate for mission service on my way to New York City to begin training to become a young adult missionary. I was walking away from six years of grad school. I had two engineering journal papers sitting on desks of editors, waiting to be approved. I still had a year left on my lease at my apartment and was hoping and praying for a subletter. I just had last meetings for ice cream, drinks, bike rides, and dinner with some of my greatest friends. I met brand new people and made connections. I had lots of conversations about wrapping things up, handing things off, and staying in touch.

I had never experienced such a feeling of living in the moment. There was no planning. All the plans had been made, and then was the time to execute. I had to fully trust in the Spirit to stay afloat.

I had no idea what I would encounter in the next three weeks during training. My brothers and sisters in mission, along with their hopes, dreams, experiences, and callings. The issues of justice, those hard and heavy topics that I never learned about in school. The leaders, going to bed later and getting up earlier than any of us to guide us through our transition. The city. The bagels with schmear. The farm. The fleas. The beets and kale. The complaining. The unity. The worship.

And then we were commissioned, sent as missionaries far and wide as agents of transformation who would be transformed in the process.

Things fell into place. I was able to sublease my apartment. I cleaned out and gave away lots of stuff. I packed up and moved home briefly. I finally found an apartment in DC, and I moved in a week later. I got down to business.

During my first several months, I felt myself grow a lot in many ways. I had a lot of responsibility due to some transitions in the director of my placement, which I loved. I learned more and more about all of the hidden craziness (both good and bad) going on in our world, and came to greater understanding of my own privilege and ways that others are privileged over me (the latter, admittedly, are fewer). Finding ways to keep in touch with people in far away places became even more of a priority for me. I started playing Frisbee on the National Mall.

It’s been a wild and amazing ride.

That brings me to today, the halfway point. I have 364 more days to live this life before my term is officially completed. Recently, I feel like I’ve plateaued in a lot of ways. I’ve now heard all of our regular speakers for the Seminar Program, though we are recruiting more. I’ve settled into the day-to-day planning and follow-up activities of our work. I’m not feeling as challenged as I was before. I’m hoping to come up with some new ways to stretch and grow, and I know listening to God is going to be key to that.

I’m also looking to the future. The biggest question still remains: what is God calling me to? Engineering? Ministry? Education? Seminary? Something else?

I don't have a nice bow to put on the end of this post, so I'll leave it here.

Prayer Requests:

• As I begin my second and final year of mission service, that God would speak to me, and that I would have ears to listen to God and all the things that God has placed in me.
• For my brothers and sisters in mission, that those who have been in transition would find peace and that we all would be renewed, ready to finish the race.
• For my family, who are dealing with health problems.

my most important question: what am i doing here?

On June 22, I got the honor of sharing part of my call story and a question that I've wrestled with at The District Church. Every year, TDC has a sermon series called My Most Important Question where people from the congregation are invited to share a question that they have dealt with or continue to deal with. I love the spirit of this series - it gives people an opportunity to tell their stories, celebrating the fact that the faith journey is not an easy journey and that our questions, our messy experiences, and our intimate encounters with God and people are critical to that journey.

In the audio below, Pastor Justin gives an intro to the series, and then three of us share our stories in sequence. I'm the second speaker, between my friends Laurie and Bethany. My part starts around 17 min 45 sec and lasts about 10 minutes, but you're welcome to listen to the other two, who also had great things to say!

Laurie spoke about her struggle of seeking approval, especially from her mother, but not finding it. She asks, "Do they not notice me?" My talk hinges around my moment of consciousness, when I realized that getting my Ph.D. in engineering wasn't where I was called to be. In that moment, I asked "What am I doing here?" Bethany describes her tough years with a bad marriage and divorce, along with the additional fear of the stigma the church may put on divorced people, as she asks, "Where is joy in my trials?"

Take a listen, and I hope you are blessed!

sabbath post: sunset over capitol hill east

Spring is one of my favorite times of year. After a long, cold winter, 50 degrees feels like t-shirt weather. On top of that, I find that when the seasons change, that's when the best sunsets happen!

Below is a view from my doorstep in the Capitol Hill East neighborhood from last Friday. The yellows, pinks, and purples echoed down A Street as I walked up to the front door, and I couldn't resist pulling out my camera.

I was exhausted by the end of the day. I bolted out of work just after 5:00pm, knowing that a crazy two weeks of seminars would be just around the corner. As I headed out from the United Methodist Building, I noticed the sun setting in spectacular color over the Capitol Dome as the Washington Monument peeked up over the horizon a little behind. I thought to myself, it would be awesome to climb the steps of the Supreme Court and check out the view. I decided to buzz home instead, and probably missed a great opportunity to observe the beauty of creation and catch a glimpse of God.

It's a crazy season at the UM Seminar Program. We'll have eight seminars over the next two weeks. It sometimes feels like survival mode, just doing everything necessary to make sure the seminars flow well, and if they don't, taking corrective action.

I decided over Lent to focus on making sure I get enough rest. Mostly I am hoping to get eight hours of sleep per night. Sometimes, it's just not practical, but I try as a spiritual discipline to make it happen. I think that rest also extends to taking a few minutes to appreciate God's creation.

After work on Monday, the first day of "March Madness" at the Seminar Program, it was 60 degrees and sunny, plus we had an extra hour of daylight thanks to Daylight Savings Time. I made some dinner and ate outside, enjoying the fresh air, sunshine, some music in my headphones, and food. It was a great recharge, even for a moderate extrovert like myself. I'm looking forward to appreciating the beauty of life and creation more often.

Take time to be holy; the world rushes on.

diversity stories

This week began what my supervisor and I have dubbed “March Madness” where we have quite the flux of spring breakers knocking at the door of the Methodist Building. We use this term in the most loving way possible – I absolutely love having the excitement of people and energy in and out of the Building, eager and ready to change the world. It sure does keep us on our toes though. The latest winter storm "buried" DC under about 3 inches of snow, closing the Federal Government and most of the city on Monday, and making it difficult for our presenters and resource people to join us. But whether sleet, or hail, or stormy gale, the Seminar Program goes on!

This week was a treat for me. My crew (or at least twelve of them) from the Wesley Foundation at the University of Michigan (which, incidentally, is the oldest campus ministry in the Americas no matter what UIUC Wesley says) has been here for a seminar. I have very much enjoyed catching up on stories and hugs, and also learning right along-side my group!

The topic was race relations and affirmative action. This topic came up for the group because in Michigan, voters passed a referendum which said it is illegal to use race as a criteria for college admission, among other things. Since then, there has been a decline in enrollment notably among African American students and other racial minorities at University of Michigan. This has created a lot of racial tension on campus.

In addition to informational and interactive seminar sessions, we also had the chance to listen to historian Harold Bell at Ben’s Chili Bowl and share in Ash Wednesday service with the Wesley Foundation at Howard University. All of these experiences gave us ample opportunity to dialog about race and affirmative action.

I think I could write quite a bit about this topic, but I just want to lift up a reflection from my own experience. One distinct memory I have from college was trying to get my first internship. I talked to recruiter after recruiter at career fair, just hoping to get an interview. I didn’t expect that I would have to beg my way into an interview with my nearly 4.0 GPA, but that’s what I did. I really wanted to get in with one of the Big Three auto makers, but I ended up with an internship with a relatively small engineering firm that most people (including myself) had never heard of. Thankfully, I ended up with something, and it turned out to be a great experience! After career fair, I talked with one of my female engineering friends about how things went. She had her choice of offers from Ford, GM, and many others. I was pretty steamed about this, thinking she probably got her pick of awesome internships because of affirmative action.

I think that frustration is real for people, and I don’t think it is wrong. In fact, I think it’s good to acknowledge it, name it, and talk about it. I’ve learned that you can’t really help how you feel, only how you react. It is good to reflect (whether alone, with others, or in prayer) on feelings and understand them. Well, at least for a thinker like myself, this is helpful. Feelings don’t do much for me unless I can understand why I feel a certain way.

As I think back on this, I can make a couple conclusions. First, I can’t say for certain if affirmative action is why she had so many offers. She could have been more involved on campus than me (very likely), less socially awkward than me (very likely), and better at selling herself than me (very likely). Second, diversity is valuable, and I have a better understanding of that now. Long story short, increased diversity allows us collectively to problem solve from increasingly diverse angles and perspectives. Why is this important? Attacking problems from one direction may work, but there may be better approaches which are not obvious to people of one particular culture. If I’m running around the world moving everyone’s dining table into their bedrooms, I could miss out on a better solution. I could also miss the opportunity to collaborate to find an even better solution than either group could reach in isolation.

I thought Rev. Mulenga, who spoke to my group today and is the father of one member of the group, had a great spiritual insight. Humans are an image or reflection of the Invisible God. One human or one people group cannot capture that image fully, so God gave us diversity to help express that better. One is not more valuable than another, but all help to reflect God’s glory in different ways.

How are we reflecting that glory? Let me leave you with this “living-in-the-tension” kind of question as I also ponder it.

of plants and prayer

Over the long weekend, a plant in my coworker Susan's office got a little fried in the closed room with the heat on. Its dry, heavy leaves weighed down its pale green stems so that it looked more like a salad that someone dropped in the dirt yesterday than a healthy, vital plant.

Mark said, "Put it in Dave's office! It's sunnier in there and the plant needs sun!" So we did. A couple days later, still wilt-y salad.

Susan did what, to me, seemed like putting the plant out of it's misery. She cut off all of the leaves, except one particularly small, vaguely healthy looking one.

Here's the crazy thing -- literally within hours, the plant perked up! The stems were standing almost vertical, pointed right to heaven. I couldn't help but think about Jesus shouting, "Lazarus, come out!"

How can cutting leaves off a plant revive life? Leaves are the powerhouses of a plant where photosynthesis occurs in earnest. I'm no biologist, but I am an engineer and I understand conservation of energy. My best guess is that the dried up and whithered leaves were consuming as much energy as they produced. Cutting a few things out of one's life, even those things like leaves which should be able to give life, could lead to an invigoration, even a resurrection, if those things are just consuming as much as they produce.

<><><>

For a while, my prayer life felt dried and withered. It just didn't feel like I got as much out as I was putting in.

I went to a leadership retreat with The District Church over the weekend, and that sparked a change. Through worship on Sunday after we returned, especially singing "The Summons" at Capitol Hill UMC, I received new vision. I've decided to spend 40 days in prayer about my call. 40 days is a special time frame for God -- Noah's 40 days of rain while in the ark, Jesus' 40 days of fasting in the desert, and the disciples' 40 days with Jesus after the resurrection to name a few. To me, the major thrust of this year will be discerning where God wants me next and how, if possible and God willing, I can locate the intersection of engineering, faith, and the good of creation and humanity.

With this new vision, I think I succeed, at least in part, in cutting out some my normal patterns of prayer that I easily fall into, and instead replaced it with focused, intent prayer on something that is intensely personal and important to me. What areas of your life are your pouring yourself in, and not getting an abundant return? Will you be able to make a cut and revive some life?

Prayers:

• Through March 6, I'll be focusing on prayers over calling. Please join me! Let me know how I can be praying for your call. We all have one!
• There have been many setbacks for my young adult brothers and sisters in mission -- placement sites collapsing, visa problems, and difficulty getting plugged into community. They need stability so they can do God's work and live out their calling.
• I'm just joyful (and privileged) to have a supervisor, placement site, and community which I've really grown to love. I thank God for it and hope I can steward the opportunity well.

silly questions

Jesus answered them, “Very truly, I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves.”
John 6:26

Merry Christmas!

This post is going to be like time travel – written on the bus on Saturday, posted on Wednesday. On Saturday morning, I awoke at the early (late?) hour of 4:45am to begin my trek home for Christmas vacation. Traveling by bus is one way I’ve given in to simple living. It’s a release of control compared with having a car – I don’t get much choice as to when I leave, who I ride with, how much stuff I bring, or what temperature the cabin is. Door to door, it’s about 11 hours of travel instead of 6 by car. DC bus to Union Station (oops, bus didn’t come, I had to walk); Megabus to Philadelphia; 2 hour layover; Megabus to State College via Harrisburg; car ride to Brockport.

On the other hand, it is very freeing. There is a lot of time for reflection, reading, and even writing a blog post. While in Philadelphia’s 30th Street Station (pictured) waiting to change buses, I got the opportunity to hang out and chat with a panhandler (not homeless – he had an apartment) for 20 minutes or so. That’s the first time I’ve ever had someone ask me for money and then walk away because they had other things to do!

I read the above scripture during one of my times of waiting. It grabbed me. Earlier in John 6, John records Jesus’ feeding of the 5,000. After everyone had eaten, Jesus slipped away quietly, sensing the desire of the people to “take him by force and make him king.” The next day, the people traced Jesus’ path and caught up with him. “When did you come here?” they wanted to know.

One of the fun things for me about John’s version of the Gospel is that Jesus almost never answers questions directly. I’ve read or heard somewhere that Jesus is so sensitive that he sees through these superficial questions and answers the question that is actually on the hearts of people. Jesus knows that when he came to Capernaum across the sea is not important. The more important question is: why are they are so drawn to Jesus?

I imagine them, and even myself, answering, “Dude, you took five dinner rolls and two cans of tuna and fed 5,000 of us! And we got to take home leftovers!” (Sidenote: I love leftovers)

“Nope. Pretty cool, but actually, you were hungry, and I fed you.” Seeing a miracle is pretty amazing, but having a hole in your soul filled is way better.

Jesus didn’t just give them something to eat to fill their bellies. Manna, the flaky bread-like substance that God provided for the Israelites in the wilderness, is pretty amazing. Jesus – the bread of heaven, God incarnate, walking among us and with us, showing us new ways to live, living and dying to reconcile us to God – is way better. “When did you come here?” now seems like a silly question!

Let’s keep asking God silly questions though. We might not be able to get to the tougher and more important ones on our own.

I hope your Christmas and holiday season has been everything you needed and everything God wanted for you, and that 2013 treated you well. I know it’s been a trip for me. Thank you for your continued support, including reading my blog!

Come, Lord Jesus. Reign in this world; reign in my heart. Merry Christmas!

hard at work

I didn't expect the weeks leading up to Christmas to be the busy season for the Seminar Program, but they have been! I’m currently in the midst of my fifth seminar since the beginning of November. I haven’t posted for a while, so I thought I’d just put up a few recent photos as an update.

One of my seminars was for Central Methodist University, which is where one of my US-2 buddies, Kharissa, is placed! It was great to see her and work with her campus ministry group as they processed some service and learning around food justice and brainstorming ways to organize efforts to collect excess food around their campus.

Last week, the storms moved in and the snow flew in our Nation's Capitol. The threat of heavy snow was so high that all the grade schools and universities in the District shut down. The federal government also closed their doors for the day, remembering "Snowpacalypse" a few years ago which resulted in massive abandonment of cars in major roadways as people tried to get home from work. The snow came down hard, but it didn't hold fast. We had an eager group of AmeriCorps member serving with Habitat for Humanity scheduled for a seminar - they said, "the show must go on!" So we did!

I had a great time working with this group of mature, worldly, young adults! They wanted time to explore some issues they don't often talk about, such as drug use, incarceration, and violence, as well as some time to process and reflect on their first few months of service. In the photos below, I'm having them make "What people think I do/what I really do" memes about their AmeriCorps experience so far. What kind of misconceptions might you have about Habitat for Humanity? Unlimited numbers of houses wrapped in bows? Door keys raining from heaven? Nonstop "glory shots" of people raising wall frames? Or maybe, passionate, compassionate, and skilled individuals spending some valuable time in service and learning, and discerning next steps in their careers? (Credit Jay in New York for that wonderful activity idea!)

This week, we're hosting another H4H AmeriCorps team, and they have been just as amazing to work with as last week's group. Our Seminar Design Consultant (my direct supervisor is on leave for a few weeks) Larry let me take the wheel and drive for the first time, taking lead on facilitating the group. It's been the strange and beautiful combination of energizing and exhausting that is group facilitation. I'm up early again tomorrow, so I'm signing off for now. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!